25 Ways to Approach A Woman At Work And Not Get Sued
Monday, November 19, 2007 at 4:43pm by Site Administrator
It isn’t any surprise that coworkers often find themselves attracted to one another. After all, you’re working in close proximity, seeing each other regularly, and usually dressed more attractively than you would be in a more casual situation. Yet work romances can create a troubling dilemma. Many businesses have strict rules about what is acceptable when pursuing a romance with a coworker, and for a good reason. Often, there is a fine line between what is harmless flirting and sexual harassment, and underestimating it can cost you your career. So if you want to ask out that cute girl from marketing, follow these tips to avoid landing yourself in hot water.
- Ask her to lunch. Lunch is a relatively harmless request, as business associates often get together for lunch to discuss work related issues. If you’re nervous or want to be extra careful, invite along a few other coworkers.
- Send her emails. Sometimes emails can be a low-pressure way to ask out the object of your affection at work, and she won’t feel like she has to give you an immediate response. Just be careful what you write–emails are often monitored, and any inappropriate emails will likely be saved for your dismissal interview.
- Include other coworkers. If you’re afraid to risk it all and ask her out one-on-one, try inviting her out with a group of coworkers. You’ll still get to spend some time with her away from work, but there will be other people around to ease any potential awkwardness.
- Only ask once. If you’ve asked her out and she said no, don’t press the issue. Repeated attempts at getting her to go out with you will make her uncomfortable and definitely cross the line to harassment.
- Give non-threatening compliments. One way to show your interest in a female coworker is to pay her compliments. You just have to be careful about what you say, as there are many things that could be taken in the wrong way and could sound inappropriate. One way to do this is by giving a compliment accompanied by a question such as "That’s a nice University of Whatever scarf. Did you go to school there?" That way, she won’t feel pressured to respond to your compliment, and you’ll get to know a little more about her.
- Walk with her to meetings or out of the building. Make the most of your travel time through the building to spend time with the woman you’re interested in asking out. It’s an easy way to approach her and it’s unlikely to make her feel uncomfortable because your walk has a terminal point.
- Arrange outside of work outings. You won’t seem like a creep if you ask her to come along on company outings outside of work, and in fact, if she’s new you might even score some points with her for making her feel included in the group.
- Keep your distance. While you might get away with getting touchy feely when approaching a woman at a bar, at work you should keep your distance. Don’t invade her personal space. Instead, express your interest through your face and body language.
- Tell her jokes. Jokes can be a great way to get her to let down her guard and think of you as a person, not just her coworker. Just be careful to keep the jokes clean to avoid upsetting her or any other coworkers within earshot.
- Bring her coffee. Provided she likes coffee, this will be seen as a sweet, non-aggressive gesture. If you’re lucky, you could turn a one time gesture into a daily coffee date.
- Only approach those who are not your subordinates. It doesn’t matter how attractive your subordinates might be, they should be off limits if you want to avoid future trouble. Even if you spark a long-term relationship, if it goes sour you could become subject to complaints that you used your status as leverage.
- Make excuses to stop by her desk. Walking by her desk every once in awhile or bringing some papers over to her can be a good way to break the ice and give you an opportunity to ask her out.
- Keep it casual. If you do ask her to go out, make sure it’s something that isn’t too intimidating. Try asking her to get coffee or dinner before asking her out to come over to watch a movie.
- Be her friend first. Before you take the leap to asking out a coworker, get to know her first. You may find out that while you thought she was cute, you two don’t really have much to talk about. Of course, if you do, you’ll have a much easier time asking out someone you’re already friendly with.
- Send her a meeting invitation. Why not get cute about it and send her a meeting invitation through her email? You can keep things casual with a simple catch-up lunch meeting if you want to see how interested she is.
- Ask for her help on a project. You can often approach a coworker you don’t know particularly well by asking for her help on a project. You’ll get her help and a chance to talk with her that you might not have otherwise had.
- Take breaks together. Invite her along on your afternoon snack run or trip to the water cooler. If she says yes, who knows, she might say yes to dinner and movie.
- Use work as a conversation starter. An easy way to break the ice with a coworker is to joke around or talk about work. You can share a laugh about how sweaty your boss was at the meeting or how awful the coffee is in the break room. You’ll be bonding, but in a way that’s appropriate for the office.
- Leave her outs. If you want to ask out someone from work but you aren’t sure of her interest in you, make sure you leave her an out when you invite her on a date so that she doesn’t feel trapped or made uncomfortable by your request.
- Get her opinion. If you work closely with the coworker you’re interested in, try asking her opinion on something you’re working on. It’ll let her know you value what she thinks and later on, you can ask her opinion on more personal matters as well.
- Gauge her interest. Whether you ask around the office to see if she might be interested or just read her signals, don’t pursue a woman that doesn’t seem to be into you. While this is a good rule to follow in general, it’s especially true for the office.
- Save her a seat. One way you can show interest in a woman at work without being too pushy about it is to save her a seat at your next meeting or conference. It’s a nice gesture and you’ll get to sit by her the whole time.
- Ask her questions. You’re unlikely to face any lawsuits for trying to get to know a coworker better, unless of course you start quizzing her about her personal life or dress sizes, so take the opportunity to ask her questions and get to know what makes her tick. It will make it easier to ask her out later.
- Maintain eye contact. This is a good approach to dealing with women at work, as it shows that you are interested in what they are saying. It also makes it clear that your eyes aren’t wandering to places that are inappropriate.
- Just ask. Sometimes the best way to approach a woman at work is to just do it. That way, you’ll know right off the bat if she’s interested or not, and you won’t be tempted to say or do things that she might find harassing if she’s not interested.
Remember that none of these tips are foolproof–every person has their own comfort threshold and some might take offense at things of which others would think nothing. Stay smart, and who knows? Your office romance might blossom into something more.









